SUPPORT FOR STUDENT SEX WORKERS
A COMMUNITY FOR US TO KEEP EACH OTHER SAFE
TAKE BACK THE POWER
For urgent support please contact email@example.com and we will get back to you within the day.
We are not promoting or glamorising sex work with the following statement. We are simply offering advice and glamorising sex work with the following statement. We are simply offering advice and guidance to the sex work community so we can protect one another and take back the power.
The systems and websites on which we work are not protecting us so we have to define the standards of safety for ourselves. It can sometimes be so difficult to say, “No”, but if we all start setting our own rules and we all abide by them, it means more safety for our community because we can take control of the situation by refusing to accept less than what we deserve together.
- We want and are striving for better access to morning after pills and regular health checks for people that are in a financial position that means their only income is through unprotected sex. If you are in the position where you are having unprotected sex to support yourself make sure you get health check ups as often as possible and try to ensure you are on contraception. Everybody’s situation is different and there is no shame or judgment here.
- If you have arranged a date online or over the phone, never get into a car without being sent the registration first. Always check the registration of the client’s car online before you go on a date. Any person who refuses your request for the registration before you get into the car is someone you should not trust to go on a date with. In someone else’s vehicle, they have control of the situation so never get into the car of anyone who has said anything to give you an uneasy feeling. We appreciate that street sex workers do not have the option to do this. We work with larger organisations that specialise in this field and we can signpost you to them if needed.
- Only do what you are comfortable with sexually. Set your own rules and standards and follow them. Do not meet anyone who does not meet these standards, because from my experience the more you do things you do not want to do, the more you lose control of the situation, which can dramatically affect your mental wellbeing and your feelings towards yourself. You deserve to be treated how you want to be treated and no one should pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do. Sometimes it might feel like you have to do what they say because they have paid you and they’re there and you feel like they are in control because of this. Always say, “No” when you want to say, “No”.
- Always get money at the start of the date. This should be the absolute standard because you should absolutely never risk the chance of not being paid, but so many try it and many are known to scam people and not pay. There is absolutely no reason for someone to pay you at the end of the date instead of the start. It is you who is in charge, as it is you providing your time and you who is at risk. People who pay for sex work should accept their responsibility in ensuring the people they are having sex with know they are safe. You deserve to know who you are meeting and anyone that is worth your time will accept that.
Contact us, the police or other organisations that can protect you if you are underpaid or payment is refused. This is rape. You are accepting an agreement of conditional consent when you agree to engage in sexual activity for a sum of money. When someone fails to uphold this agreement they have broken your terms of conditional consent. Whilst some may judge you as a sex worker, us as an organisation and the other organisations we work with will not and we will fight to protect you on this matter. The more we report these incidents, the more we can prove this is a problem that affects many vulnerable people and we hope that this in turn will begin to be taken as seriously as it deserves. We understand that sometimes you may not be in the position to accept money at the beginning of the date and are here for you. We will never judge you.
Any person who does not comply with these standards is someone who you do not want to meet. There are plenty of people who will comply and this number will keep increasing with the more people who follow these standards.
With great appreciation of the fact that sometimes these precautions may not suit your situation, here is some valuable advice to bear in mind when considering your safety:
- Try and insist on using condoms. The following is said with great appreciation of the fact that sometimes you will not be in a position to have safe sex. There is no judgment here in regards to what you do with your own body. That said, many people will ask for sex without a condom, flat out refuse to wear one or even block you when you say you would prefer condoms. This means that in times of desperate need for cash, people are sometimes inclined to agree to unsafe sex when safer offers are unavailable. This has happened to people within the community and some of us have done things we are uncomfortable with. The majority of male clients refuse to wear condoms for oral sex, which is completely unsafe as STI’s can still be contracted. This has become a standard but it is your body and you alone decide the standards you set for yourself. Regular STI checks (even when using protection) are very important because of the long-term issues that can be caused by undiagnosed STI’s.
- Meeting in a public place is a good way to keep control of the situation and leave easily if you get bad vibes. Never feel like you have to stay anywhere. It is better to avoid dangerous situations before they occur and It is okay to show up and leave straight away because you do not feel comfortable. You are more important to yourself than the person paying. Always try to remember that.
- Hotel meets can be very unsafe and even a lot of sugar daddies will advise this. This may not be the experience for everyone and we urge everyone in the community to voice their own opinions but a lot of people have a very bad time as a result from hotel meets. Absolutely never allow someone to pay at the end of the date if you go to a hotel meet.
- Make sure there is a log of your interactions with the people you talk to and meet. It is better to find arrangements and dates through websites because there will be a virtual log of conversations and it is important to do your research on these websites before you make an account. Try to keep as much communication as you can on the website and try to talk through text messages more than on the phone where you have no proof of the conversation.
If you feel you have been unable to comply with the above, please do not feel ashamed or like you have done anything wrong. Sex workers are often put in positions which they have no control over and the blame should always be put on the client who has mistreated you. It is important that sex workers have a safe space to voice these experiences to someone who understands and we are here to support you with this. This is a confidential service.